As I wrote before, aku cakap yang aku nak lunch dengan kawan aku kan.. you know what? aku tak makan sampai pukul 3 semata mata tunggu dia untuk lunch dengan aku. Pukul 3 tu, aku dah give up nak tunggu dia and aku macam dah pasrah dah, "takpelah aku makan sorang sorang je lah, macam tak biasa pulak kan?" aku cakap dalam hati, saje nak sedapkan hati. Then, sampai je dekat cafe, dan dan dia whatsapp, cakap sorry sebab dia tertidur.

She should be grateful  for having a friend like me because I'm willingly wait for her to get ready.

Unexpected plan happened, kitaorang pergi summer mall just for fun. imagine! aku dengan pakai selipar je pergi summer mall, selebet gila! tapi aku tak kisah pun sebab aku confident yang aku cantik. kah! sampai je kat summer mall, plan nak jalan jalan dulu lah kan.. takkan nak terus pergi makan. unexpected pun nak tengok movie hantu kak limah which really really buat aku menyesal sebab hambarnya movie tu equivalent movie zombie kilang biskut. membaziaq duit aku!

Nevertheless, I'm happy because at least penantian aku takde lah sia sia sangat sebab aku dapat jugak keluar daripada bilik and socialize. I'm really happy for that!

Aku planned nak menulis since aku boring and have nothing to do, but once aku typing, I don't know what should I write or express. To be truth, I'm lonely, lonely gila! I don't even know how to handle this feeling. I want to rant about it on twitter but, I feel uncomfortable to let people know what I feel right now, aku rasa macam they will judge me, "oh!! poor this kid, she have no friend" or  "omg!! takde siapa ke nak kawan dengan dia ni??" even though, I know people don't give a shit about me.. that makes me more sad. Makcik aku psychologist, she wants to help me, but myself won't allow it. I don't let people to know my real feeling, which makes me suffocated with my emotions. so, as initiative, I want to make this blog as tempat mencurahkan perasaan, ceh... but, it's real. In this blog, people don't know me but at the same time they can read what is in my mind.

alrite!! my hobby is watching movies and dramas, my favourite genre is romance, of course!! which literally makes me feel depressed and happy in the same time.. aku rasa depressed sebab nae insaeng is not good as much like in those fairy tales!! it makes me always comparing my life with those story line. i know it's not good for my mental health but it is the only way i can escaped from my reality. I can tell how pathetic my life is. I don't know is it me or this is actually a normal life.

no.. Let me be honest, I'm just a girl who is confuse about herself and act like a lot of sad things happen to her padahal it was normal thing!!!! so let me write about my nonsense thought..

i just woke up from my bed. susah betul nak bangun dari katil, tahu tak? rasa macam nak continue je baring, but then aku fikir balik, i have to take bath, wash my clothes. so, tadi aku dah pergi toilet, cuci muka and right now waiting for my turn to take a shower. i have plan my day to be a little bit social, aku ajak nisak pergi lunch, at least hari ni aku tak terperap dalam bilik je. i have to still connected to people around me so that i won't be crazy alone. do you want to know why i feel lonely gila? sebab people around me kadang' lagu pun boleh menyebabkan aku rasa lonely. they have friends, boyfriend/girlfriend thus makes me feel isolated. aku tak tahu whether aku yang bersalah for having this feeling or this is normal. sometimes rasa macam nak bercakap dengan orang pasal apa yang aku rasa ni, but bila fikir balik, if i tell them about this, dia orang kisah ke dengan apa yang aku rasa ke dia orang fikir aku ni dahagakan perhatian which is true, frankly tapi aku tak nak lah orang tahu aku macam tu. so here i am, talking alone in this blog.

ok, aku nak mandi sat.. petang sikit aku update lagi about my day. thanks for being here with me.

lots of hugs. xoxo